Well, after 6 years together with Mr. Mike I’ve decided it’s time for me to branch out on my own. I’m excited, terrified, heart-broken, and relieved on different levels. I was supposed to be leaving this past weekend to stay with my little sister to help her with her little ones until she can get them in daycare. She tried to give the children’s biological father another chance. But he’s replaced his own addiction from heroin to marijuana and alcohol. So he’s still as sick as ever…stealing off of her, violent, ridiculous. Last time I stayed with her to help out with the little ones it ended up being a month and a half stay. Which was crazy because I was in school and everything and it was hard to keep up with. But, with having the summer off, I told her that I could go and help with the kids again to help her get away from him and back on her feet. But its been delayed a week to give him time for his Mom to send him a bus ticket back to Utah. Good riddance, now the little ones can sleep w/o the sound of his drunken rants keeping them up all night.
But, within the past week I’ve also come to the conclusion that Mikes not gotten better as he said he would try to do, but he’s actually gotten worse. Or, at least it’s come to my conclusion that he’s always been far worse than I ever realized with his own drinking and smoking pot. He owes me $200.00 and we’re only 3 weeks into this month - I just added it up this morning. I was looking to see how much I needed to take out of my bank account that was his to give him before I go. How ironic.
Theres no way I’ll ever get it back and we’ll ever catch up at this rate. I’m leaving before he throws me into more debt more than where I’m already at with my school loans. I just can’t do this anymore. He’s not going to change. He’s just going to give me more excuses and defensiveness. More heartache and grief. With addiction there comes times of crisis that are what helps those addicted to open their eyes in order to see what they’re doing to themselves. He’s never going to get the chance to see what he’s doing to himself with me always making everything okay.
Fuck it, I’m gone. I just can’t do this anymore.
June 19, 2007 at 1:18 pm
thinking of you.
i’m proud of you for making such a hard decision. i know it won’t be easy. i’m always here to lean on.
June 19, 2007 at 8:08 pm
It shows a lot of strength to make a move like this Ani.
One of the things that I found hard to learn was that when you take care of yourself first, and let others bear the consequences for their own behavior- it often works out best for both involved.
I know a lot of people who choose stay in relationships with those who use, because they fear that their partner will fall apart without them.This is a gift to yourself as well as Mike. He’ll have to reach into himself and decide to clean up or find someone else who will shoulder the burden.
I know it’s hard to break away with so many years and so much emotion invested in a relationship- no matter what the problems are.But you are strong, and I don’t think you need to worry so much about getting stuck in the kind of life you always swore you’d never have.It doesn’t have to follow you.Good luck on this new journey.
June 20, 2007 at 10:20 pm
please dont give up
June 21, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Dear Ani
We firmly believe your choice is the right one to get on with your life and let him go his way no matter how much it hurts now you know it is the right one to make. We have been this route with our sister and brothers, one brother made it through the addiction so far, 6 years recovered. Thinking of you lots
peace and blessings
keepers
June 24, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Wow, you’ve got a lot to deal with. But, I can see that you are aware, caring and courageous in deciding what to do with it all. My ex-husband (good god, we were married 20 years ago) smoked pot at least twice a day and didn’t think he was addicted to it. but ya know what? the biggest thing that I saw it do to him was cause great apathy. You don’t have that, Ani. You care and you take action. Stay strong. I’m thinking of you.
June 25, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Ani -
Good for you!
As Marj said, you have much to deal with.
Good for you for getting out of an abusive situation.
Pat yourself on the back and stay strong.
Thanks too for your long-ago comment on my blog. I am adding you to my blogroll and am honored that you have added me to yours.
Wishing you strength and courage,
Your sister survivor,
Leah