Well, after 6 years together with Mr. Mike I’ve decided it’s time for me to branch out on my own. I’m excited, terrified, heart-broken, and relieved on different levels. I was supposed to be leaving this past weekend to stay with my little sister to help her with her little ones until she can get them in daycare. She tried to give the children’s biological father another chance. But he’s replaced his own addiction from heroin to marijuana and alcohol. So he’s still as sick as ever…stealing off of her, violent, ridiculous. Last time I stayed with her to help out with the little ones it ended up being a month and a half stay. Which was crazy because I was in school and everything and it was hard to keep up with. But, with having the summer off, I told her that I could go and help with the kids again to help her get away from him and back on her feet. But its been delayed a week to give him time for his Mom to send him a bus ticket back to Utah. Good riddance, now the little ones can sleep w/o the sound of his drunken rants keeping them up all night.

But, within the past week I’ve also come to the conclusion that Mikes not gotten better as he said he would try to do, but he’s actually gotten worse. Or, at least it’s come to my conclusion that he’s always been far worse than I ever realized with his own drinking and smoking pot. He owes me $200.00 and we’re only 3 weeks into this month - I just added it up this morning. I was looking to see how much I needed to take out of my bank account that was his to give him before I go.  How ironic.

Theres no way I’ll ever get it back and we’ll ever catch up at this rate. I’m leaving before he throws me into more debt more than where I’m already at with my school loans. I just can’t do this anymore. He’s not going to change. He’s just going to give me more excuses and defensiveness. More heartache and grief. With addiction there comes times of crisis that are what helps those addicted to open their eyes in order to see what they’re doing to themselves. He’s never going to get the chance to see what he’s doing to himself with me always making everything okay.

Fuck it, I’m gone. I just can’t do this anymore.