I’ve never, ever had my own apartment. I’ve been living with my Ex-fiance for the past 6 years. But I’ve found a place! Its just a little efficiency but I’m soooo excited!! They’re going to be doing a lot of work to it all this month so that it’ll be ready for me to move into. The kitchen counter there doesn’t belong next to the little shelves for instance and that sink doesn’t belong either. But with the kitchen gutted they needed to put it somewhere. Anyway I thought it might be neat to get some before and after photos for when I get it decorated and such once I move in. Heres a before photo, LoL.
My Apartment ~ Before
Hope Sent,
~ Ani
Now that I’m done with the Blogathon for the Indiana Tenderness Trail I’m asking myself, “Okay, now what?”
- Do I want to work on the Ohio children’s online memorial?
- Do I want to work on the Drug & Alcohol page at my trauma website?
- Do I want to work on my monthly, survivor-testimonial website full force to get ahead?
- Do I want to work on “My Dissonance” with making new contacts and adding to my ‘Survivor Blogs’ page?
- Do I want to concentrate on my apartment now that I have one and am moving in on the 1st of Sept? Lots of stuff to purchase. Fun, fun.
How about all of it? That makes sense. I’ll just try and assign days to each. Yep, that makes sense. Okay then. Thats what I’ll work on. I’m glad thats been decided.
Hope Sent,
~ Ani
God, how is it that I’ve been staying with my sister for a month now? I feel like I need to catch up on where I’m at but I don’t have the mental stamina to do it at the moment. But still, I need to because thats the point of my little blog here. Lets see.
Update on My Baby Nieces
- My baby nieces are in a home daycare where they seem very happy.
- The girl’s father who cut his arms up and everything is completely out of the picture. A social worker informed my sister a few weeks ago that, with there being no court ordered visitation for him with the girls, he can only get visitation rights if he goes to court and fights for them. Its laughable that he would ever even really try. Hes bothered my sister through texting to her cell phone but apparently hes staying with some other girl now so he has someone else to make miserable (Thank God for that).
I just thought I’d update you guys on that, I know that some of you were concerned about the little ones and I really do appreciate your concern, thoughts, and good wishes.
Immediate Goals
- Well, as soon as Mike and my twin brother pay me back money they owe me I’ll have $500.00 saved up thus far in staying with my sister. I think thats a great start. I already have my furniture and everything in storage waiting for me whenever I get my new place. So exciting! But equally scary. I’ve never lived entirely on my own before. But I’m excited, I really am.
- I have the Blogathon coming up that I blogged about already. I’m really excited. Right now I’ve sent out all the emails that I can think to send to prospective sponsors. Now I just wait and organize my blogs with the articles and what not I intend to blog about. Seriously, if you guys can stop by my blog that Saturday/Sunday and encourage me not to fall asleep that would be awesome. Eden, give me a call and we’ll help each other out! LoL.
Mike Called Last Night
Okay, after a month of being gone Mike called last night and said he wanted a second chance. He admits that my leaving is what he needed to wake him up. Hes made some positive changes. But I’ve explained to him that I’m still hurt and that I don’t trust him. I’m willing to work things out only if he can get his own place and keep a roof over his head, all on his own, for at least a year. He’s been working 6 -7 days a week. He’s taken over his van payment and apologized to his mother for everything he’s done. He says he’s done with partying but that means nothing to me. I’m scared of being made a fool of and having my heart ripped out by believing he could ever change. He knows this. I’ve told him. He says that he doesn’t expect me to believe him or trust him after everything he’s done but that he is taking action and plans to improve his life. If he can really get himself together than that would be a dream come true. But I’m not going to take his word for it.
Theres a guy that I’ve been introduced to through one of my best friends. I’m not interested. He’s offered to take me to Ozzfest which I used to go to every year. And I’ve explained to him that I’m not interested in dating but that doesn’t mean that he’s not still going to try. So I told him “yes” because of the way he asked, it just really caught me off guard and I was excited about being able to go. But he wanted to hang out tonight again already and I’ve been struggling since my emotional conversation with Mike last night.
Mike wants me to tell the guy that we’re trying to work things out but he just sees this guy unnecessarily as a threat. I’m just not interested in dating anyone right now? Why would I be? But, whatever. So I think I’m going to have to talk to the guy and maybe tell him that I change my mind over the Ozzfest thing. I don’t want to lead him on. So, right now, I just need to concentrate on me. But its hard when it’s been Mike and I for the past 6 years, together through everything. But I have to.
I want to believe him. I really do. But he and I both know that I can’t. It’s not like we can just start over again after 6 years of being together. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m being “cautiously optimistic”. If this happens it’ll be more than I ever dreamed possible, but I can’t count on it to. I’m still hurt. I’m scared. **sigh**
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