God, how is it that I’ve been staying with my sister for a month now? I feel like I need to catch up on where I’m at but I don’t have the mental stamina to do it at the moment. But still, I need to because thats the point of my little blog here. Lets see.
Update on My Baby Nieces
- My baby nieces are in a home daycare where they seem very happy.
- The girl’s father who cut his arms up and everything is completely out of the picture. A social worker informed my sister a few weeks ago that, with there being no court ordered visitation for him with the girls, he can only get visitation rights if he goes to court and fights for them. Its laughable that he would ever even really try. Hes bothered my sister through texting to her cell phone but apparently hes staying with some other girl now so he has someone else to make miserable (Thank God for that).
I just thought I’d update you guys on that, I know that some of you were concerned about the little ones and I really do appreciate your concern, thoughts, and good wishes.
Immediate Goals
- Well, as soon as Mike and my twin brother pay me back money they owe me I’ll have $500.00 saved up thus far in staying with my sister. I think thats a great start. I already have my furniture and everything in storage waiting for me whenever I get my new place. So exciting! But equally scary. I’ve never lived entirely on my own before. But I’m excited, I really am.
- I have the Blogathon coming up that I blogged about already. I’m really excited. Right now I’ve sent out all the emails that I can think to send to prospective sponsors. Now I just wait and organize my blogs with the articles and what not I intend to blog about. Seriously, if you guys can stop by my blog that Saturday/Sunday and encourage me not to fall asleep that would be awesome. Eden, give me a call and we’ll help each other out! LoL.
Mike Called Last Night
Okay, after a month of being gone Mike called last night and said he wanted a second chance. He admits that my leaving is what he needed to wake him up. Hes made some positive changes. But I’ve explained to him that I’m still hurt and that I don’t trust him. I’m willing to work things out only if he can get his own place and keep a roof over his head, all on his own, for at least a year. He’s been working 6 -7 days a week. He’s taken over his van payment and apologized to his mother for everything he’s done. He says he’s done with partying but that means nothing to me. I’m scared of being made a fool of and having my heart ripped out by believing he could ever change. He knows this. I’ve told him. He says that he doesn’t expect me to believe him or trust him after everything he’s done but that he is taking action and plans to improve his life. If he can really get himself together than that would be a dream come true. But I’m not going to take his word for it.
Theres a guy that I’ve been introduced to through one of my best friends. I’m not interested. He’s offered to take me to Ozzfest which I used to go to every year. And I’ve explained to him that I’m not interested in dating but that doesn’t mean that he’s not still going to try. So I told him “yes” because of the way he asked, it just really caught me off guard and I was excited about being able to go. But he wanted to hang out tonight again already and I’ve been struggling since my emotional conversation with Mike last night.
Mike wants me to tell the guy that we’re trying to work things out but he just sees this guy unnecessarily as a threat. I’m just not interested in dating anyone right now? Why would I be? But, whatever. So I think I’m going to have to talk to the guy and maybe tell him that I change my mind over the Ozzfest thing. I don’t want to lead him on. So, right now, I just need to concentrate on me. But its hard when it’s been Mike and I for the past 6 years, together through everything. But I have to.
I want to believe him. I really do. But he and I both know that I can’t. It’s not like we can just start over again after 6 years of being together. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m being “cautiously optimistic”. If this happens it’ll be more than I ever dreamed possible, but I can’t count on it to. I’m still hurt. I’m scared. **sigh**
July 23, 2007 at 10:11 am
thanks for the update, it helps. I will be out of town for the blogathon, but I will try my best to get internet service and come by and donate.
You know, you can still do something you enjoy–you deserve that, for sure. If you’re honest about where you’re at, you can’t be responsible for anybody being “led on.” Take gentle care of yourself.
July 24, 2007 at 3:59 am
wow a lots been going on for you hope it continues to remain positive
July 25, 2007 at 6:43 am
Glad that the kids are doing ok and that the dead beat dad is out of the picture!
As for Mike I think you are right to take your time and not rush into his arms. The longer you keep your distance means that the longer he will have to keep his good intention on the roll and I think that is what he needs. When you do something long enough you just do it natural. Good luck! Hugs.
July 25, 2007 at 8:49 pm
congratulations on keeping strong and firm and not giving in when you know better. He has to prove he not only can change but will stay changed. You are smart to be cautious, very very smart.
thinking of you
peace and blessings
keepers
July 30, 2007 at 10:36 am
you’re going through a lot right now, but it sounds like most of the changes are possible! stick to your guns on the mike situation. although he’s making positive changes, he does need to be out on his own for a year, just like you need to be out on your own. being on my own was the best thing that could have happened to me, when i moved out in dec 2006. i found out how strong i am and that i’m ok just being me.
much love, eden