I started a post earlier and figured out that I felt paralyzed because there was some past information in past posts that could identify me as a person - my real name, side projects, etc. So I deleted said posts and edited other possible identifiable information. The point of this blog was to be anonymous. To be safe from judgment from family, friends, acquaintances. But to be able to reach out and help others and to be helped in the process. So now I don’t feel so paralyzed.
Its silly in other online projects I’m quite open about my full name, location, etc as a survivor. But somehow I feel that I still need a place somewhere where I can go and not be reachable in a concrete way. Where I won’t have my volunteer work online mixed with my personal life - thats the best way that I know how to explain it. You can’t reach me through myspace.com, know where I’m from, look into my eyes and say:
“I see you” and I know all about your heroin addicted brother, and your druggy ex-boyfriend, and how can you claim to be a “survivor” and still have all these issues? How can you give others advice? You really expect people to work with you about their healing when your still so ate up its just sad? You still can’t hold a job and you barely made it through spring quarter? WTF? Fake! Fake! You don’t have it all together at all!”
I’m probably not making any sense? Oh well. At least this helps me to see my fears and laugh about them…make fun of them. But still expose them. I can be human and flawed. And you don’t know me. And its okay.
August 9, 2007 at 9:53 pm
our road to recovery is a long, hard one and it is ongoing. no one ever has it all together. but, we all can offer our support, our experiences and others can draw on it and use it as best they can. keeperskorner is there to help, help through writing our experiences, our visitors writing about theirs, and everyone sharing, just like you do here. you are not a fake in any way, in our opinion!
peace and blessings
keepers
August 13, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Well, I’ll tell you one thing…. it takes knowing where people are coming from to be able to give them advice to listen, and empathize. I don’t call that fake, I call it experienced. Besides, it’s easier to help someone with their issues because you’re on the outside, you’re not so close to it. That’s why advice to friends is so much easier to give than following our own advice. There’s a separation that allows us to reason, that separation allows us to help. If we were too close to it we could be of no assistance at all. What you do as volunteer work makes perfect sense and it’s something to be proud of.
Austin