This is my second night in my new apartment … my first night staying here completely alone aside from with my cat Ariel, whose a permanent guest. I’m drinking chamomile tea and trying to get Mike off my mind…the worry, and the dread, and the wondering. Friday was our official ’six-year’ anniversary. But it didn’t feel as though we were celebrating anything at the time as a normal couple. Can we really put everything back together? Who is he? Will he ever figure that out? One minute he’s the man whom I’ve known for the past six years, who’s working hard to put his life back on track. Then he’s some stranger who looks at me as if to say, “You don’t know me and you’re better off not knowing”. I’m just so, so confused right now. I’m emotionally drained and physically exhausted.

On a good note though my new apartment is perfect. Everything has come together smoothly and I’m all moved in. I couldn’t ask for anything more in this area of my life. Financial comfort, freedom, and security I’ve never known for as long as Mike and I have lived together in the past. I pray that he finds his way through and that he can reach out and grab hold of all there is in this life for him if he could only see beyond his negativity, selfish reasoning, and self-destruction. I love him so much. Above all else I have to remember that I can’t be a part of that self-destruction.

Hope Sent,

~ Ani