Its amazing just how much I’ve grown and how much my functioning has improved within the past 2 1/2 years.  Its incredible.  For instance on Monday I cleaned my apartment, did laundry, worked on some online projects, did some reading, etc.  This is just normal things people do but then I think back to the period of time I spent not having any energy to do these little things.  Doing a load of laundry was a huge ordeal and it would take me the next day just to hang it up and fold it.  I remember just straightening up my room took everything.  I’d goes days without showering and now I even have a nighttime routine of brushing my teeth, washing my face, and applying toner and moisturizer after washing the make up off.  I take my contacts out where as before I could spend days with them in because I couldn’t function well enough to remember to take my night meds every night, much less take my contacts out.

Its just absolutely incredible how low I sunk.  How did I get there and why?  I guess thats what baffles me the most.  I feel like if I could figure that out I could definitely keep it from ever, ever happening again.  It all happened so fast — the mental breakdown and its aftermath.  Things just kept getting worse.  So now when I look back I still sort of stare back in complete bewilderment.  I know absolutely what it took to get back to where I am now in my level of functioning.  But how did I get that low?  I guess it was a combination of things.  The major being opening up to my therapist about my childhood and such.  But…still, for all of it to come crashing down within weeks?  It still sort of scares me still.  I don’t know?

Hope & Love Sent,

~ Ani